How much should you work?

I had an interesting conversation with a friend while watching the miserable Penn St. v. U of M football game. She discussed how much we work and that you can't be doing your job well if you are not doing work at home/thinking about work at home. She said that everyone she knows across many fields (non-profits, teaching, engineering, politics, medicine, law) work long hours and put in time from home. We have to be constantly working in order to be successful.

Is that true?

American's work more than any other country. Is that a good thing? How has it affected our productivity? Our economy? Our families? Our health?

Thoughts?

Cooking for one

This week is a short week with no "mandatory fun night" and a trip home packed into the weekend...so this week's menu is a bit short

Monday: Chicken Pesto Pizza

Tuesday:
I'm in a hurry ham and cheese omelet

Wednesday:
Faijitas

Thursday:
airport food

twenty-five.
pandora radio

twenty-six.
chocolate mint coffee creamer

twenty-seven.
Explaining to a kid that he will get beat up in high school if he continues to treat his classmates in the manner he does

twenty-eight.
old memories that come back unexpectedly

twenty-nine.
snail mail from people you didn't think would ever send you mail

thirty.
single digit countdowns to something you are excited about

thirty-one.
growing up twenty minutes from Lake Michigan

thirty-two.
the plant from my Grandma's funeral that keeps growing

thirty-three.
The strength and peace from God to keep going when everyone would understand if you quit

thirty-four.
ice cream for dinner

thirty-five.
Middle schooler smiles

Procrastination station

A blog trend...jumping on the band wagon

1. Where is your cell phone? in my bag
2. Your hair? Blonde
3. Your mother? far away
4. Your father? amazing
5. Your favorite food? ice cream
6. Your dream last night? didn't
7. Your favorite drink? Chardonnay
8. Your dream/goal? to run a school district
9. What room are you in? my classroom
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? failing
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? umm...plead the fifth
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? caught up on work
15. Muffins? Blueberry
16. Wish list item? Ralph Lauren
17. Where did you grow up? Michigan
18. Last thing you did? graded papers
19. What are you wearing? cheerleading practice clothes
20. Your TV? Grey's Anatomy
21. Your pets? I wish...PUPPIES!
22. Friends? too far away but the best in the world
23. Your life? constant challenge and completely fufilling
24. Your mood? overworked
25. Missing someone? the boy
26. Vehicle? I want a black bmw
27. Something you’re not wearing? hair tie
28. Your favorite store? The Limited
29. Your favorite color? Pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? when the bird came out of the cieling in my clasroom and the boys dove under their desks
31. Last time you cried? two Sundays ago...knock on wood
32. Your best friend? Erin
33. One place that I go to over and over? Borders
34. One person who emails me regularly? my old roommates
35. Favorite place to eat? anywhere I'm not cooking or cleaning

On adult life...

I watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy...like if it's on...I will watch it. It was always the light at the end of the tunnel in college. Inorganic, organic, and physics exams were always on Tuesday nights. Thursday nights were always a bottle of white wine with the girlfriends that signified the end of the week. This habitual comfort has carried on...unfortunately, minus the white wine and girlfriends.

Anyways...I was in a funk most of the day. Pretty much until five minutes ago (read 8pm). I think its because life has a ton of distinctions and then you are dumped into adulthood and you can't figure out up from down.

I wake up some mornings...lay there for a second and think "is this my life...when did I grow up?!" If I lay there too long I actually feel my heart beat quicken and my blood pressure spike. An alarm goes off on my phone (a phone I pay for), then I step out of my bed (that I own), and walk out into the living room (of my own apartment I live in alone). I get ready by showering and putting in my contacts and brushing my teeth (which my continued health now shows that I manage Dr. appointments). Then I go to my car (that I own and insure) and drive to my full-time job (for which I get things like benefits and am responsible for the growth and education of over 100 students).

The last time I feel like life was well-paced and I had some grasp was in high school. Then I blinked and woke up here.

Now there aren't any distincitions. Before eight-teen there is infant, toddler, pre-kindergarten, kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school. That is seven distinct stages all before eighteen. Then there is adulthood...what is in adulthood? Nothing. adulthood then retirement.

I'm young, single, and childless. I have amazing independence, ample time, and I think I have found the right career field. I should feel unrestricted, adventurous, and limitless.

I think I just feel confused. Standing in the middle of a giant field and you can't see anything but field. There are infinite directions I could walk in.

There aren't any measures anymore. No grades. No semesters. One year rolls into the next.

How do you tell if you're doing life well?

I know life is about being a disciple of Jesus, but what do the details look like. I could live a hundred versions of my life doing that, but what does everything else look like?

How does this relate to Grey's Anatomy? They are adults...highly successful professionally. But...they cry all the time. I think every character on there has done something insane and cried ten times. I know its just a show, but this makes me feel so much better about crying and doing insane things and wondering if this is what life is supposed to look like.

Recent gifts

fourteen.
sweatpants

fifteen.
Cuddling on a couch watching a movie with an old friend

sixteen.
white wine

seventeen.
dinner out with a bunch of girls

eighteen.
cooking your mom's chili recipe and feeling warm inside

nineteen.
fall colors with the sun setting on them

twenty.
unexpected mail

twenty-one.
diet pop

twenty-two.
three day weekends!

twenty-three.
warm-baked goods

twenty-four.
hugs...the most underrated form of affection ever

ten.
afternoon naps while it's raining outside

eleven.
unexpected out-of-control bouts of laughter

twelve.
the anticipation of waiting to visit people you miss dearly

thirteen.
seeing pictures that make you excited for all life has to offer (the last one is my little sister...so precious):

Today's gifts

five.
Excessive amounts of Grey's Anatomy

six.
The comfort of warm coffee with french vanilla cream in the morning

seven.
slipping into your favorite jeans

eight.
barefeet

nine.
moments of silence

One Thousand Gifts

It is no secret that this transition has been a little rough for me. Namely, work has been extremely difficult and I have found myself in tears wrestling with my decision to work in DC and in an urban district. There are so many hurdles for both myself, the school, and most unfortunately, the students. I have found myself frequently lonely and frustrated and I fear that those emotions will settle into bitterness in my heart.

Unfortunately, in the midst of this wrestling I have felt as though I have given up, thrown in the towel, and resigned myself to survival. However, I do not want my time here to be a survival...a mere day to day existence.

It is my hope that this reflection of coming up with 1000 things for which to be grateful for I will reflect on my days for the good instead of the bad. I stole this idea from a woman I truly admire and she received it from another blogger. I have changed the image to fit my own personality, but the idea is not my own...but it is one I think bears repeating.

To be done by the close of the school year I need to roughly 100 items a month or 25 a week. That will be my goal.

one.
The beauty of classical music played only by piano. The entanglement of the complex and the simple has always been a marvel to me.

two.
The view from my porch that overlooks the park with the slowly changing leaves. A benefit of being further south then Michigan, but not in the south is that the transition to Fall is the perfect pace to enjoy the beauty.

three.
Simple day by day life with friends. I have a friend at school. We are the same age, we have the same doubts, trials, and fears. But sometimes we just talk about college football, having boyfriends far away, and whatever most recently sucked. (p.s. she's even a Buckeye)

four.
Learning how to cook. It opens up a whole new world while helping me feel connected to my Grandma...if there ever was an amazing woman she was it.

Answered prayer?

It is another week and I'm feeling ok about it! Woot!

I think the classroom discipline thing has started to work a little bit. I've moved onto screaming. They claim you're not supposed to yell, but it is the only way.

In addition, the girl who committed the assault has been transferred to another school because the fact that the family had moved was uncovered. I don't quite know how I feel about it. However, I do feel like I should warn her new teachers.

Off to do more planning so I can stay ahead.

I get observed tomorrow...eek.

Update

Whew...week 6 is over.

Quality of life review:

1. Getting called into the office for having too many D's on progress reports: (-5)
2. Knowing that all of those D's are totally deserved (+2)
3. Not crying during the meeting (+2)
4. Crying in the closet of my room after (-3)
5. Assault occurring in my classroom that I was powerless to stop (-10)
Current total: -14

This week wasn't so bad. It was only four days so it felt much more manageable and I didn't find myself nearly as worn out as I have been in past weeks. Tuesday began with a surprise meeting with the principal, my department head, and my mentor. It was pretty overwhelming. I have 33% D's or E's in my four classes as of progress reports (I only gave two E's though). Before I submitted the grades I went through all of them and felt ok because they all had at least 4 or 5 missing assignments and had failed at least 1 of the 3 quizzes we have taken.

However, sitting between my mentor (a 6'5'' black man) and my department head (a 5'11'' black women) I felt like a small child being reprimanded. It was odd how their physical size alone made me feel inadequate. I also couldn't shake the feeling of being wildly out of place. From time to time this feeling creeps in on me. When I call a parent and they only speak Spanish or they explain that no one has graduated high school from their family. I find myself retreating into a place in my head I haven't gone sense I was younger. It is the same place I used to hide when people were mean to me in high school or the rare occasion I disappointed a teacher and they talked to me about it. It was funny how quickly my self-confidence fretted away and I began to question everything about my current life.

O...and I had about 10 feet between the office and the cafeteria where I had to pick up my very hard to manage 3rd hour (the largest hour at 30 students and the one in which the fight broke out). That was a lesson in stuffing your emotions down and pushing through...ugh. It was a rough night at home that evening.

The rest of the week went pretty smoothly. Cheer tryouts were a success and I'm interested to see how coaching works out.

Now onto the Michigan v. Michigan State game tomorrow! LET'S GO BLUE!