On adult life...

I watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy...like if it's on...I will watch it. It was always the light at the end of the tunnel in college. Inorganic, organic, and physics exams were always on Tuesday nights. Thursday nights were always a bottle of white wine with the girlfriends that signified the end of the week. This habitual comfort has carried on...unfortunately, minus the white wine and girlfriends.

Anyways...I was in a funk most of the day. Pretty much until five minutes ago (read 8pm). I think its because life has a ton of distinctions and then you are dumped into adulthood and you can't figure out up from down.

I wake up some mornings...lay there for a second and think "is this my life...when did I grow up?!" If I lay there too long I actually feel my heart beat quicken and my blood pressure spike. An alarm goes off on my phone (a phone I pay for), then I step out of my bed (that I own), and walk out into the living room (of my own apartment I live in alone). I get ready by showering and putting in my contacts and brushing my teeth (which my continued health now shows that I manage Dr. appointments). Then I go to my car (that I own and insure) and drive to my full-time job (for which I get things like benefits and am responsible for the growth and education of over 100 students).

The last time I feel like life was well-paced and I had some grasp was in high school. Then I blinked and woke up here.

Now there aren't any distincitions. Before eight-teen there is infant, toddler, pre-kindergarten, kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school. That is seven distinct stages all before eighteen. Then there is adulthood...what is in adulthood? Nothing. adulthood then retirement.

I'm young, single, and childless. I have amazing independence, ample time, and I think I have found the right career field. I should feel unrestricted, adventurous, and limitless.

I think I just feel confused. Standing in the middle of a giant field and you can't see anything but field. There are infinite directions I could walk in.

There aren't any measures anymore. No grades. No semesters. One year rolls into the next.

How do you tell if you're doing life well?

I know life is about being a disciple of Jesus, but what do the details look like. I could live a hundred versions of my life doing that, but what does everything else look like?

How does this relate to Grey's Anatomy? They are adults...highly successful professionally. But...they cry all the time. I think every character on there has done something insane and cried ten times. I know its just a show, but this makes me feel so much better about crying and doing insane things and wondering if this is what life is supposed to look like.