Update

Whew...week 6 is over.

Quality of life review:

1. Getting called into the office for having too many D's on progress reports: (-5)
2. Knowing that all of those D's are totally deserved (+2)
3. Not crying during the meeting (+2)
4. Crying in the closet of my room after (-3)
5. Assault occurring in my classroom that I was powerless to stop (-10)
Current total: -14

This week wasn't so bad. It was only four days so it felt much more manageable and I didn't find myself nearly as worn out as I have been in past weeks. Tuesday began with a surprise meeting with the principal, my department head, and my mentor. It was pretty overwhelming. I have 33% D's or E's in my four classes as of progress reports (I only gave two E's though). Before I submitted the grades I went through all of them and felt ok because they all had at least 4 or 5 missing assignments and had failed at least 1 of the 3 quizzes we have taken.

However, sitting between my mentor (a 6'5'' black man) and my department head (a 5'11'' black women) I felt like a small child being reprimanded. It was odd how their physical size alone made me feel inadequate. I also couldn't shake the feeling of being wildly out of place. From time to time this feeling creeps in on me. When I call a parent and they only speak Spanish or they explain that no one has graduated high school from their family. I find myself retreating into a place in my head I haven't gone sense I was younger. It is the same place I used to hide when people were mean to me in high school or the rare occasion I disappointed a teacher and they talked to me about it. It was funny how quickly my self-confidence fretted away and I began to question everything about my current life.

O...and I had about 10 feet between the office and the cafeteria where I had to pick up my very hard to manage 3rd hour (the largest hour at 30 students and the one in which the fight broke out). That was a lesson in stuffing your emotions down and pushing through...ugh. It was a rough night at home that evening.

The rest of the week went pretty smoothly. Cheer tryouts were a success and I'm interested to see how coaching works out.

Now onto the Michigan v. Michigan State game tomorrow! LET'S GO BLUE!