five.
Excessive amounts of Grey's Anatomy
six.
The comfort of warm coffee with french vanilla cream in the morning
seven.
slipping into your favorite jeans
eight.
barefeet
nine.
moments of silence
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Today's gifts
five.
Excessive amounts of Grey's Anatomy
six.
The comfort of warm coffee with french vanilla cream in the morning
seven.
slipping into your favorite jeans
eight.
barefeet
nine.
moments of silence
Monday, October 12, 2009
One Thousand Gifts
It is no secret that this transition has been a little rough for me. Namely, work has been extremely difficult and I have found myself in tears wrestling with my decision to work in DC and in an urban district. There are so many hurdles for both myself, the school, and most unfortunately, the students. I have found myself frequently lonely and frustrated and I fear that those emotions will settle into bitterness in my heart.
Unfortunately, in the midst of this wrestling I have felt as though I have given up, thrown in the towel, and resigned myself to survival. However, I do not want my time here to be a survival...a mere day to day existence.
It is my hope that this reflection of coming up with 1000 things for which to be grateful for I will reflect on my days for the good instead of the bad. I stole this idea from a woman I truly admire and she received it from another blogger. I have changed the image to fit my own personality, but the idea is not my own...but it is one I think bears repeating.
To be done by the close of the school year I need to roughly 100 items a month or 25 a week. That will be my goal.
one.
The beauty of classical music played only by piano. The entanglement of the complex and the simple has always been a marvel to me.
two.
The view from my porch that overlooks the park with the slowly changing leaves. A benefit of being further south then Michigan, but not in the south is that the transition to Fall is the perfect pace to enjoy the beauty.
three.
Simple day by day life with friends. I have a friend at school. We are the same age, we have the same doubts, trials, and fears. But sometimes we just talk about college football, having boyfriends far away, and whatever most recently sucked. (p.s. she's even a Buckeye)
four.
Learning how to cook. It opens up a whole new world while helping me feel connected to my Grandma...if there ever was an amazing woman she was it.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Answered prayer?
It is another week and I'm feeling ok about it! Woot!
I think the classroom discipline thing has started to work a little bit. I've moved onto screaming. They claim you're not supposed to yell, but it is the only way.
In addition, the girl who committed the assault has been transferred to another school because the fact that the family had moved was uncovered. I don't quite know how I feel about it. However, I do feel like I should warn her new teachers.
Off to do more planning so I can stay ahead.
I get observed tomorrow...eek.
I think the classroom discipline thing has started to work a little bit. I've moved onto screaming. They claim you're not supposed to yell, but it is the only way.
In addition, the girl who committed the assault has been transferred to another school because the fact that the family had moved was uncovered. I don't quite know how I feel about it. However, I do feel like I should warn her new teachers.
Off to do more planning so I can stay ahead.
I get observed tomorrow...eek.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Update
Whew...week 6 is over.
Quality of life review:
1. Getting called into the office for having too many D's on progress reports: (-5)
2. Knowing that all of those D's are totally deserved (+2)
3. Not crying during the meeting (+2)
4. Crying in the closet of my room after (-3)
5. Assault occurring in my classroom that I was powerless to stop (-10)
Current total: -14
This week wasn't so bad. It was only four days so it felt much more manageable and I didn't find myself nearly as worn out as I have been in past weeks. Tuesday began with a surprise meeting with the principal, my department head, and my mentor. It was pretty overwhelming. I have 33% D's or E's in my four classes as of progress reports (I only gave two E's though). Before I submitted the grades I went through all of them and felt ok because they all had at least 4 or 5 missing assignments and had failed at least 1 of the 3 quizzes we have taken.
However, sitting between my mentor (a 6'5'' black man) and my department head (a 5'11'' black women) I felt like a small child being reprimanded. It was odd how their physical size alone made me feel inadequate. I also couldn't shake the feeling of being wildly out of place. From time to time this feeling creeps in on me. When I call a parent and they only speak Spanish or they explain that no one has graduated high school from their family. I find myself retreating into a place in my head I haven't gone sense I was younger. It is the same place I used to hide when people were mean to me in high school or the rare occasion I disappointed a teacher and they talked to me about it. It was funny how quickly my self-confidence fretted away and I began to question everything about my current life.
O...and I had about 10 feet between the office and the cafeteria where I had to pick up my very hard to manage 3rd hour (the largest hour at 30 students and the one in which the fight broke out). That was a lesson in stuffing your emotions down and pushing through...ugh. It was a rough night at home that evening.
The rest of the week went pretty smoothly. Cheer tryouts were a success and I'm interested to see how coaching works out.
Now onto the Michigan v. Michigan State game tomorrow! LET'S GO BLUE!
Quality of life review:
1. Getting called into the office for having too many D's on progress reports: (-5)
2. Knowing that all of those D's are totally deserved (+2)
3. Not crying during the meeting (+2)
4. Crying in the closet of my room after (-3)
5. Assault occurring in my classroom that I was powerless to stop (-10)
Current total: -14
This week wasn't so bad. It was only four days so it felt much more manageable and I didn't find myself nearly as worn out as I have been in past weeks. Tuesday began with a surprise meeting with the principal, my department head, and my mentor. It was pretty overwhelming. I have 33% D's or E's in my four classes as of progress reports (I only gave two E's though). Before I submitted the grades I went through all of them and felt ok because they all had at least 4 or 5 missing assignments and had failed at least 1 of the 3 quizzes we have taken.
However, sitting between my mentor (a 6'5'' black man) and my department head (a 5'11'' black women) I felt like a small child being reprimanded. It was odd how their physical size alone made me feel inadequate. I also couldn't shake the feeling of being wildly out of place. From time to time this feeling creeps in on me. When I call a parent and they only speak Spanish or they explain that no one has graduated high school from their family. I find myself retreating into a place in my head I haven't gone sense I was younger. It is the same place I used to hide when people were mean to me in high school or the rare occasion I disappointed a teacher and they talked to me about it. It was funny how quickly my self-confidence fretted away and I began to question everything about my current life.
O...and I had about 10 feet between the office and the cafeteria where I had to pick up my very hard to manage 3rd hour (the largest hour at 30 students and the one in which the fight broke out). That was a lesson in stuffing your emotions down and pushing through...ugh. It was a rough night at home that evening.
The rest of the week went pretty smoothly. Cheer tryouts were a success and I'm interested to see how coaching works out.
Now onto the Michigan v. Michigan State game tomorrow! LET'S GO BLUE!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Sunday night blues...
Ok...so it's only Sunday morning; however, the Sunday night blues are sneaking in early this week. My confidence is still a bit shaken from "the Friday from hell" which is what the end of last week will be known as from now on.
My answer was to settle in for the weekend with movies such as Stand and Deliver, Freedom Writers, and Dangerous Minds in hopes that I would become re-inspired, re-energized, and confident before I headed back on Monday.
It worked a little. I've regained a sense of hope that next week could be better. In addition we will be revisiting some classroom procedures. I've also decided that they will no longer have time to work on homework in class and I'm going to be calling home like a maniac. These kids are out of control and it needs to stop.
Goals this week:
1. Be in bed by 9pm every night this week
2. Present rules, consequences, and rewards in class this week
3. Hope that my next review will not state "loose classroom management that did not improve later in the day"
On another note...Michigan beat Notre Dame today! Woot! That made my weekend as well as spending quality time with an old college friend who helped to lift me out of my grading burden as well.
I don't want to live this year surviving day by day...but the more I google tips on first year teaching all I find are "survival tips" "stress reduction" and "work life balance" articles. Almost everything talks about surviving the first year so that you don't quit the profession...at least I'm not alone in feeling a bit distressed.
It has to beg the question...what the hell is wrong with kids these days...or more accurately the adults that are failing to raise them properly.
My answer was to settle in for the weekend with movies such as Stand and Deliver, Freedom Writers, and Dangerous Minds in hopes that I would become re-inspired, re-energized, and confident before I headed back on Monday.
It worked a little. I've regained a sense of hope that next week could be better. In addition we will be revisiting some classroom procedures. I've also decided that they will no longer have time to work on homework in class and I'm going to be calling home like a maniac. These kids are out of control and it needs to stop.
Goals this week:
1. Be in bed by 9pm every night this week
2. Present rules, consequences, and rewards in class this week
3. Hope that my next review will not state "loose classroom management that did not improve later in the day"
On another note...Michigan beat Notre Dame today! Woot! That made my weekend as well as spending quality time with an old college friend who helped to lift me out of my grading burden as well.
I don't want to live this year surviving day by day...but the more I google tips on first year teaching all I find are "survival tips" "stress reduction" and "work life balance" articles. Almost everything talks about surviving the first year so that you don't quit the profession...at least I'm not alone in feeling a bit distressed.
It has to beg the question...what the hell is wrong with kids these days...or more accurately the adults that are failing to raise them properly.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Learning...
I'm convinced during the first year of teaching the teacher is learning more then the students.
The third week of school is coming to a close and I think I'm finally learning how to manage things a bit better. Today I would say 3 out of 4 classes went well...and I really question how accountable I can be held during my last hour. I have no special education training so I just don't feel nearly as bad when lessons go a bit awry.
Things I learned today:
1) The teacher who had her students stand in a straight line in a hall before letting them is not crazy. She is a genius. If I let my kids have two minutes to chill in the beginning of class my life is a nightmare. We stand in a line now.
2) It is possible to ask your superior what to do about kid x and get the response "I'll call the parents to check on meds" three times in one day...how medicated is this generation
3) Conversations like this will happen:
Me: "Are they always this loud?"
Other staff: "Yes"
Me: "Do they get more quiet as they mature?"
Other staff: "No, this is the hood. You're not from the hood are you? It's loud." hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha
p.s. My new nickname by my female students "Ralph Lauren"...at least I know they look at me sometime during the hour.
The third week of school is coming to a close and I think I'm finally learning how to manage things a bit better. Today I would say 3 out of 4 classes went well...and I really question how accountable I can be held during my last hour. I have no special education training so I just don't feel nearly as bad when lessons go a bit awry.
Things I learned today:
1) The teacher who had her students stand in a straight line in a hall before letting them is not crazy. She is a genius. If I let my kids have two minutes to chill in the beginning of class my life is a nightmare. We stand in a line now.
2) It is possible to ask your superior what to do about kid x and get the response "I'll call the parents to check on meds" three times in one day...how medicated is this generation
3) Conversations like this will happen:
Me: "Are they always this loud?"
Other staff: "Yes"
Me: "Do they get more quiet as they mature?"
Other staff: "No, this is the hood. You're not from the hood are you? It's loud." hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha
p.s. My new nickname by my female students "Ralph Lauren"...at least I know they look at me sometime during the hour.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Irritation of the day...
I understand that the U.S. does not have an official language. However, there are a lot of rules that aren't actually written that American's follow...i.e. how far away you stand at the ATM, elevator behavior, and traffic habits.
HOWEVER...if I need to run to the bank and deposit a check it should not take me 30 minutes because all four people in front of me cannot speak English and need to play charades with the teller.
Honestly, I don't care what you speak in your home or among your acquaintances, preserve your culture all you want, but you are interfering with my business with your lack of language skills in public settings.
So annoying.
rant over.
HOWEVER...if I need to run to the bank and deposit a check it should not take me 30 minutes because all four people in front of me cannot speak English and need to play charades with the teller.
Honestly, I don't care what you speak in your home or among your acquaintances, preserve your culture all you want, but you are interfering with my business with your lack of language skills in public settings.
So annoying.
rant over.
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